Uncle Nico's Audition Tape

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Regrets, I've had a few

Talking to a friend the other day, we were discussing not ever having to look back and say, "I wish I had done that differently" or "I regret ever doing that." And I've always prided myself on not ever having to say I wish I hadn't done that, or I wonder what life would be like if only I had done that.

With that being said, there are a few things I regret having done. What was I thinking when I did them? I couldn't tell you. But much like Chunk in "The Goonies," once you start thinking about it, it all just comes flooding out.

I regret flinging Darrell Ryder's lunch box against a tree when I was in kindergarten and splitting it in half. His Cheetos went everywhere. But then again, he deserved it for bullying me everyday.

I regret pushing the door open on this kid named Jonathan while he was using the bathroom so that everyone could see him. I have no idea why I did that now. Maybe that's why I live in fear that someone will do that to me one day in a public restroom.

I regret turning the exit sign around at the Aquarium of the Americas in New Orleans while on a field trip in the sixth grade. I regret it because a group of Asian tourists saw the sign and went completely back through the Aquarium looking for the exit.

I regret the first girlfriend I ever had. Not because she outweighed me by 200 pounds or because everyone called her "The Mighty Ukla," but because she was mean and made me watch that "Doors" movie with Val Kilmer everytime we hung out.

I guess that's pretty much it. I regret that this entry wasn't more uplifting.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Brush with greatness

So Friday, Theo and I decided we would drive to Austin to see Demetri Martin and then turn around and drive back. Fourteen hours round-trip. We left at 10 in the morning Friday and got home at 8:30 Saturday morning. Crazy? You be the judge.

The trip there was fairly smooth. We were run off the interstate at 80 miles an hour by an 18-wheeler who decided to change lanes with us riding alongside. And all you can do when that happens, is look at each other at the exact same moment, and scream.

Then there was the Cracker Barrel in Houston where Theo harrassed an Australian waiter about what "other favorites" meant on the soft drink menu. Apparently, it means Dr. Pepper.

Fast forward to the show and Demetri Martin was great. Afterwards, Theo and I hung out with a certain Saturday Night Live cast member, Will Forte. Incredibly nice guy. We talked to him for about 10 minutes and I'm not sure, but one of us may have made a pass at him, such was our admiration.

On the way home, we were both delirious and nothing was keeping us awake. Not caffeine, not singing "The Living Years" by Mike and the Mechanics, nothing. At one point, while I was taking my turn driving, I could have sworn the trees on the side of the interstate were dancing like in "Fantasia."

So that was the trip to Austin.

In other news, Team J is back together. What can I say, I couldn't resist her charms. And I'm not just saying that because she's standing behind me, with a tire iron in her hands, slapping it against her left palm and saying "type monkey!!"

Get help please.